The struggle is real

So many times we only see the highlight reel of the good stuff. Today, I thought I’d let you in and see this journal entry from a hard day. And, then we can talk about it. 

Truth: I LOVE the good days. I struggle hard on the bad days. 

Journal entry: April 2021

It’s going to be okay. 

The last few days have been incredibly rough. Honestly, it was all I could do to get out of bed and shower. How did I get here?

Last week I was running on the elliptical for sixty minutes and could have gone longer. And, all of a sudden, just a day or so later and I can’t muster up the energy to brush my teeth and shower. 

Is this depression? Is this just the life of someone with generalized anxiety disorder? Did I forget to take my meds? Did I over do it? Or maybe it is an attack by the enemy coming to take me out because I am doing kingdom work. 

Could it be all of the above? I think so. 

Here’s the things that were going on that week:  

1. Three weeks of family stuff packed into the weekends. Lots of travelling which definitely had me out of my routine. 
2. Messy house 
3. Lack of sleep 
4. Two big events in one week: overnight sleep study and interview
5. Didn’t protect my morning routine and scheduled early interview
6. Interviewed and put the spotlight on sex trafficking of children
7. Not much help around the house 

So, now let’s get into what I could have done better. 

Could I have stayed disciplined while traveling and tried to stick with my self-care routines? YES. 

Could I have asked for help from the family and delegated some tasks to make things easier instead of wallowing in the self-pity of a messy home? Yes. 

Could I have stuck to my routine and protected my sleep schedule? Yes. 

Lastly, I know the interview was kingdom work. This is the work God is calling me to be a part of. It isn’t easy. It can be triggering. But, if God calls me to it, I can do it through His strength. Next time, I will lean more on Him, less on me. I will also ask for prayer ahead of time. 

At the end of the day, we do our best. We learn as we go and in that God teaches us to lean on Him for rest and restoration. I don’t think it is a coincidence that rest is the first 4 letters of restoration. It comes first. As someone who used to push myself, overwork and strive to do it all in my own strength, I’m learning.